I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Michael Bay diarrhea
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
