Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
