I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
