My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
