He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
