I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
do nipples grow back?
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