This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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