Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
