He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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