i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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