Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
