According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I love you.
Bad choice
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
