Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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