2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I licked your asshole in confidence.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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