Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
