Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
why is half of my head shaved?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
