I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
