He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize