he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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