The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Enjoy the penises
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
