so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
