I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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