so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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