Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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