i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
