he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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