When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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