Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
