my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
