You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Those nachos came to me in a dream
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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