you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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