i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
