I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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