3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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