i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Randomize
