accomplished twins. life is a go
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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