She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
