We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
