That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
