Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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