We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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