There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
