Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
