I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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