bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
