Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
