some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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