I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
