You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i think im in europe. pls send help
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
