No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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