You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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