batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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