Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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