what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
