I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
