You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
