She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize