I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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