i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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