Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
