I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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