I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
are you so shy because you have an std?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You are the jesus of drinking
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
