After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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