2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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