dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
