I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
